Wrecking Ball
by Ymir Eberhardt
Summary: (SuiKasen Oneshot) "I never left her. She left me."


**We clawed, we chained  
Our hearts in vain  
We jumped  
Never asking why**

"You do realize that this isn't a good match, right, Suika?" Yuugi asked me. We were sitting side-by-side, watching our bonfire and sipping warm sake.

"But you always said opposites attract, right?" I give her a little smile. "Maybe Kasen brings out the good in me."

Yuugi looked down at her dish, eyes narrowed in thought. "I just don't see this ending well."

**We kissed  
I fell under your spell  
A love  
No one could deny**

There was just something magical about Ibaraki Kasen. We were so different in every way possible. When she was stressed, she closed off from external contact and researched all sorts of interesting things, ideas I couldn't dwell on for more than five minutes.

And when we said our final vows, I tried to ignore the worried glances from our sisters-in-arms. I knew we'd stick together.

**Don't you ever say  
I just walked away  
I will always want you**

But they were all right. I was so emotionally committed to Kasen, but my physical need for _more_ drove her away. She needed her space, and I needed intimacy.

I never left her. She left me.

**I can't live a lie  
Running for my life  
I will always want you**

I wanted humans to like us, so I invented a little safe, war-free haven for us to meet up with humans and try to create peace, just as we made a treaty with the tengu. But a man took my eagerness for alcohol as submitting under him, and I became pregnant as a result.

Kasen said she'd help me take care of the offspring, but the baby died. And I couldn't handle the stress anymore.

**I came in like a wrecking ball  
I never hit so hard in love  
All I wanted was to break your walls  
All you ever did was wreck me**

Yuugi called it my famous Downward Spiral. I didn't want to converse with anyone anymore. I didn't care about the peace with humans that I was once so concerned with. I wanted them all to disappear, and I'd cease to exist with them.

It wasn't the baby that stressed me out so much. It was Kasen's distance. She wanted to find out _why_. Everything was a why-question to her. I just wanted to be held.

**I put you high  
Up in the sky  
And now  
You're not coming down**

It didn't matter how often I'd try to contact her; Kasen's door remained locked. And the longer she'd stay silent, the more I'd drink. I'd rather fight with her and get emotional than have this silence. Silence scares me because it reminds me how alone I am. And without her, all I am is our leader in combat, not a creature who deserves any love.

**It slowly turned  
You let me burn  
And now  
We're ashes on the ground**

It got to the point where I'd just sit at her doorway, sake in hand, and wait for her to come out. And when she did, I got the fight I was asking for.

"Why don't you go fuck some pretty girl and leave me the fuck alone? I'm sure there're humans just waiting to be abducted."

Normally, I'd brush this off. Kasen can be pretty mean when she tries. But this cut too deeply.

**Don't you ever say  
I just walked away  
I will always want you**

"That's why you left, right?" Kasen crossed her arms. "You wanted to go party on. Life's a big celebration, right?"

"That's not why!" I wanted to scream, but all I could do was sit beneath her and let hot tears stream down my cheeks. I felt so frustrated, so small, and unable to vocalize that I needed help.

**I can't live a lie  
Running for my life  
I will always want you**

"Then why is it? Oni don't lie, Suika. Just tell me the truth and maybe I'll let you sober up here."

I didn't want to sober up. I wanted to stay in intoxicated bliss, but I was so drunk now that the bliss wore off and now I was just in pain. I couldn't speak. I just clung to her legs and sobbed.

**I came in like a wrecking ball  
I just close my eyes and swung  
Left me crashing in a blazing fall  
All you ever did was wreck me**

"Suika..." Kasen began, but she sunk to my level and just held me. "It's okay. Just...let it out."

I felt like I couldn't stop, but I did run out of tears at some point. I hiccuped, "I didn't...want you to leave."

**I never meant to start a war  
I just wanted you to let me in  
But instead of using force  
I guess I should've let you win**

She scrunched her eyebrows at me. "I left you?"

"When...I got emotional about...the baby and everything...you just went...here and...didn't talk to me!"

Kasen's eyes widened. "You know that's how I deal with stress. I have to analyze it."

"For this long?! You divorced me-"

"Not a divorce. A separation. Besides, I thought that you wanted that. You said so."

**Don't you ever say  
I just walked away  
I will always want you**

"I was mad." I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "I didn't know how to react to your request so I just..."

"You said you could find a dozen girls prettier than me." Kasen blinked rather quickly. "You know that hurt."

"But you hurt me first."

**I came in like a wrecking ball  
I never hit so hard in love  
All I wanted was to break your walls  
But all you ever did was break me**

Kasen rubbed my hair between my horns, a little massage that always seemed to calm me down. "I'm sorry. I should've talked to you."

"And I'm sorry that I hurt you." I look up at her. "Do you think we can..at least try to be friends again?"

"Of course."

"And I can come in?"

Kasen sighed. "Don't push your luck."

I smiled for the first time in years. "Thank you."

After she let me in, I thought I heard a quiet, "I love you," but I couldn't be sure. And I didn't want to push her away again.


End file.
